Vanaduke's Hat
by Aura Spirit
Summary: It's Winterfest! Haven is celebrating, but they're not the only ones... A short story for Christmas, inspired by the eponymous item.


**This one's a bit silly, but hey, Vanaduke's hat is so small. It's hard to take seriously. It's strangely adorable and hilarious.**

-Haven-

"Champion Zephyn, you are one of the few Knights who we trust with this task. Do you know what the Firestorm Citadel is?"

From behind those Hallow Glasses, and from inside of that Hallow Hood, Lieutenant Feron felt the Knight's gaze.

"It is the burning fragments of the Kingdom of Almire. Legends say that it burned, destroying the two attacking armies and the kingdom itself when a beast-man came from the mountains."

"Not bad. This beast-man was Lord Vanaduke. He fled his country when he lost hope, and gained some unholy power in the mountains. At some point, Almire became a part of the Clockworks, taking up Stratum Six. Vanaduke's blocking the way to the Core, so we need you to fight your way through and subdue Vanaduke to allow Vaelyn's team to pass. Think you can do it?"

"Of course, Sir."

"Sorry to dump this on you, especially during Winterfest. We'll make it up to you somehow."

Feron stepped aside and unlocked the elevator. Zephyn walked forward, Peacemaker in hand, his Rocket Hammer and Blitz Needle at his side. The walls rose, trapping him inside. Outside the lift, Feron saluted.

"Good luck in there, Champion. You will need it."

The lift dropped, dragging Zephyn into the depths.

-Firestorm Citadel-

Hell.

Hell summed it up quite aptly.

The heat was almost unbearable, the flames threatening to engulf Zephyn as he passed. The undead legions of Almire had relentlessly pursued him across the Blackstone Bridge, rising out of the ground and swiping at him, tearing deep, glowing furrows into his shield and blowing their burning breath around him. They weren't even the worst things to attack him. Trojans had almost forced him into a corner on multiple occasions, attempting to crush him beneath their massive blades.

The fortress itself seemed to be alive, an explosive heartbeat reverberating around the halls as a sea of fire roiled beneath him.

Zephyn was cleaving his way through up the Smouldering Steps, his sword arm growing tired from swinging his Rocket Hammer and the high recoil of the Blitz Needle.

He brought the Hammer down on top of a group of Slag Walkers, leaning to avoid their burning claws. He brought up his shield, pushing a Walker away and parrying the claws of another before slamming the offender with the Hammer. He dodged as two Trojans charged him, before rolling to the side and firing into their backs. Even as their souls fell apart and their armour became stone, more Slag Walkers clawed their way out of the ground, ignoring spike pits and fire grates in their singleminded assault. Zephyn unholstered his Peacemaker, pulling the trigger and sending glittering bullets through decaying skulls and torsos.

Zephyn surveyed the small chamber. The dead had stopped rising, and the spike pits and fire grates had stopped with them. A groan drifted from behind the knight and he turned, releasing the overcharged trigger of his Peacemaker. Five shots cut the Slag Walker off mid-jump, and the phantasmal eagle dragged it across the room and dashed its vile form against the wall.

"Disgusting."

The gates dropped, and Zephyn walked forward, into the elevator and down into the throne room.

Even from a distance, he could feel the heat and malice radiating from the burning lord of Almire. Smoke curled around his massive form, appearing with each laboured breath. Shadow Fire blocked Zephyn's path, preventing him from moving towards his target. Valyn was relying on him to clear the path, and he would, somehow.

As Zephyn evaluated his situation, Vanaduke spoke, his baritone voice reverberating around the throne room.

"What's this? More wolves hungry for the blood of Almire? This great kingdom will not fall to the likes of beasts!"

The Shadow Fire surrounding Zephyn vanished and Vanaduke lifted his colossal mace, two resounding crack bouncing through the Firestorm Citadel. Zephyn lifted his Blitz Needle, taking aim at Vanaduke as he turned. It would have been a perfect shot to start the battle one step ahead, but he stopped, confused, for atop the burning lord's head sat an item that Zephyn would never had associated with the cursed ruler of Almire.

A Santa hat.

It was tiny compared to Vanaduke, a green speck above a wall of iron and fire, impossibly balanced on Vanaduke's mask.

Zephyn was so distracted, that he almost didn't see the fiery mace arcing through the air. He dodged, as there was no chance he could parry against Vanaduke's strength.

"What."

"What, invader?"

"Your hat."

"Am I not entitled to a hat?"

Zephyn had no answer. Vanaduke struck again, charging forward and bringing his mace down in a huge, crushing arch. Fragments of the ceiling fractured and fell, threatening to crush Zephyn. The knight dodged another swing and returned fire with a burst from his Blitz Needle.

"Almire celebrates Winterfest too. You Haveners aren't the only ones."

Zephyn dodged another swing and jumped, bringing the Rocket Hammer down on the underside of Vanaduke's wrist, where the armour was weak. The first hit shattered the gauntlet, the second forcing The Lord to drop his huge mace. Working fast, Zephyn used the enchanted water to rapidly cool the weapon. The metal groaned, the heated joints contracting and falling apart.

"Clever move, invader. Though I'm far from defenceless."

Vanaduke collapsed, his mask taking flight and spewing fireballs across the room. Taking careful aim, Zephyn threw several orbs of water at the mask and unleashed the charge of his Rocket Hammer, shattering the mask.

Vanaduke reared up, two eyes burning in the space where the mask was. Fire was leaking from several holes in Vanaduke's body.

"Alright, invader, you have some skill. But you haven't seen my full power yet."

With a single massive claw, Vanaduke reached up and tapped the Santa Hat. The room immediately dropped in temperature, the fires extinguished by the sheer cold gusting from the tiny accessory. Ice spread across the floor, large crystals forming under Zephyn.

"What."

Vanaduke waved his arm, and the ground beneath Zephyn erupted, encasing his feet in ice and propelling him upwards, out of the Firestorm Citadel. Up the Clockworks he rose, passing Emberlight and Moorcroft Manor and eventually emerging out of the ground in Haven, much to the shock of the knights off-duty there. The pillar remained for a scant second before shattering, unceremoniously dropping Zephyn into Haven's fountain.

Zephyn awoke, coughing and sputtering as water was forced from his lungs. Feron stood over him as several Biotechs backed away.

"What the hell was that, Zephyn? You were thrown out of the ground on a pillar of ice. You were in the Firestorm Citadel! How could there possible be ice!?"

Zephyn coughed, forcing the last of the water from his lungs. Weakly, he managed to mumble two words before passing out again:

"Vanaduke's hat."

Down in the Citadel, Vanaduke would've smiled, had he possessed a mouth. His people, his soldiers, were gathered around him as he handed out tiny boxes, stacked carefully behind him so that they did not fall and catch on fire. His subordinates had formed a queue of sorts, shambling forward as Vanaduke lifted each box from the pile between two huge fingers and deposited it into their hands. Small puffs of steam floated from each box as it was opened, the snow inside evaporating in the ambient heat, revealing each gift.

"Almire salutes you, now go. Enjoy your Winterfest."

**Merry Christmas.**


End file.
